For What It’s Worth 2.0

I didn't take Being a Dad 101 in college and some days it seems the skills needs to be a great dad ... just aren't there.  Every morning, fatherhood seems to present a new challenge. Currently, my challenge is that my oldest son is crossing a threshold this summer ... never to return.  He is turning 13.  I've been thinking through what I've done to this point, as a dad, to prepare him for the unique time period we've all experienced called adolescence.  Have I passed down necessary values?  Or better yet, have I lived out the necessary values and modeled for him the responsibilities as a young man?  I've felt like my window of influence is closing.

Earlier this week, I was reminded of Deuteronomy 11 where Moses instructed Israel in ways to love and follow God.  

"18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth."

This passage got me to think about what and how I was teaching my kids.  You see, we teach our kids stuff everyday - whether we have conversations with them or not.  Conversations which rarely just happen with our kids, especially in our society.  I believe we model what is important by what we give our attention to.  One way I have tried to do that is sharing with them values and life lessons through stories.  Bed time is my time with our kids and through the years I've read stories to them that communicate Godly values as well as life principles.  Beyond reading books, I've also shared personal stories of what I experienced and life lessons I learned as a kid - those seemed to go over better.  With my boys especially getting older, I've most recently began to schedule short 30 meetings with them on a regular basis to get a better understanding of them as individuals.  The meetings are not about me sharing deep truths or nuggets of wisdom.  I want that to happen naturally.   The meetings usually consist of a treat of some sort and lots of questions ... from me!  I ask open ended questions about their thoughts, opinions, and feelings on things.  I've even asked the question no dad wants to ask:  "How can I as a dad, do better?"  I've gotten some good feedback and hopefully made adjustments.  I want to continually grow and adjust to help their development as people not just as my child.

Don't get me wrong.  This is not the tail wagging the dog - as some may think.  It's me listening to my kids as the individuals God made them.  It's me building trust and deepening my relationship with them as their dad, that when the time comes for me provide instruction, they will be more open to listen to me.   As I listen to them, as their dad, I can help provide the guidance, the grace and hope in this world they need.  Let's heed Deuteronomy eleven's instruction.  Take time to impart your values and make time to listen to your kids - two fundamental skills of a dad.  Deep down I feel that if we do that, the window of influence may narrow but may never close.  

To all you dad's ... keep making a difference in the lives of your kids.  It's never too late.  Happy Father's Day.  

For a funny look at the unique skills it takes to be a dad,  check out Tyler Stanton's blog post.